Blue Soup
by Maddy02
Summary: [Finished] 'Don't eat ANYTHING with 'suprise' in the name or of an unusual colour' but if we followed all the good advice we got, life wouldn't be so interesting.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own slayers, if I did I'd be working on the fourth series instead of writing this. No harm intended and no profit made.

XOXOXOX

Gourry frowned and moved down to be at eye-level with the pot in front of him. It didn't smell bad. But was soup usually blue? He sniffed it again and tried to identify the flavours. Basil, parsley, tomato, potato, carrot, beef and something he couldn't put his finger on. His frown deepened. To say Gourry wasn't the smartest man in the world would be a drastic understatement, but when it came to food, swords or the size of Lina's breasts he was unusually observant. To be unable to identify the food in front of him was a worry.

He picked up a spoon and stirred the soup a bit. It certainly had the right consistency and texture… but his instincts told him something was off and that it probably wasn't a good idea to try any. Besides, who left a pot of soup sitting unattended like that? He decided it was probably in his best interests to leave it well alone.

Oh well. He thought and straightened up, looking around. What had he been doing anyway? Oh yeah, Lina and Amelia had sent him off so they could have a little 'girl talk' and he'd been wandering in search of something to do. Maybe he'd go find Zelgadiss.

On the Astral plane Xellos frowned as he watched Gourry leave. It seemed the swordsman was harder to fool than he had thought. Maybe he could find and illusion spell to make the soup appear a more… natural colour? Or find a way of making the smell of the potion blend in more with that of the soup. As he sat immersed in his thoughts of how to fix this he missed Lina and Amelia's entrance and was hence unable to stop Lina from rushing to the table and downing the soup in one go.

Lina sighed in satisfaction. It wasn't everyday some idiot left a pot of good soup out for her to find. Amelia simply rolled her eyes and grinned at her friend. But she could have sworn in the split-second view she got the soup had been blue? It probably didn't matter.

Suddenly there was a loud popping noise and Lina felt something heavy on her chest. She looked down to find herself sporting a pair of rather firm, full Naga-esque breasts.

"**_WHAAAAAAAAAAAA?_**" She yelled, loud enough to shake a few window panes lose. Amelia regarded her friend eyes wide and resisted the urge to poke her to see if they were real.

"Oh wow, how did that happen?"

"That's what I'd like to know. Not that I'm complaining or anything."

"Lina! Amelia! Are you alright?" exclaimed Gourry as he and Zel burst into the room swords drawn and ready to fight having heard Lina's yell only to stop dead at the sight of her. Zel looked away quickly a slight blush over his features while Gourry just gawked open mouthed, his brain having gone into a state of complete meltdown.

Xellos smiled. Certainly this wasn't as amusing as it would have been had Gourry drunk the soup, but he could still have some fun. He phased into view about three feet from Amelia from where he could view the entire group at once.

"Hallo everyone!" He chirped before adding in a slightly surprised voice "Oh my! Miss Lina, you seem to have… developed since we last spoke."

"Xellos" Zelgadiss growled, still avoiding looking at Lina directly "You're probably behind this aren't you?"

"That, my dear Zelgadiss, is a secret!" Xellos replied winking and striking his customary pose. Zel growled again and was about to make a sarcastic reply but Amelia got in first.

"Regardless of whether you did this or not Mister Xellos (and if you did it was highly unjust), do you know what happened?"

Xellos walked to Lina and bent over to get a good look at her breasts, he cupped his chin in a thoughtful look as he enjoyed the embarrassment radiating off her.

"H-hey just what do you think you're doing?"

He held up a hand for silence and continued to look a little longer for good measure before straitening up and giving his verdict.

"It looks to me like a growth potion designed to target the breast area. Don't worry though, it should wear off in a couple of days."

"Damn." Muttered Gourry, but loud enough for everyone to hear him. Suddenly the temperature in the room seemed to drop and Amelia and Zelgadiss rather sensibly backed away.

"What do you mean by that?" Lina asked in a dangerously low voice.

"Well it's just your breasts are so small and-"

The rest of his words were cut off by Lina's fist slamming into his jaw sending in flying into a wall. She stalked after him intent on doing sever harm.

Amelia sighed as she watched Gourry crash into a table, breaking it cleanly in half before being thrown into another wall, knocking several picture frames to the floor.

"I guess I'm going to be paying the damages again?"

"Most likely." Zelgadiss commented dryly, before using a tray to deflect an incoming table leg away from them.

"(Sigh) Why can't we stay anywhere without something getting broken? Or something crazy like this happening? Or worse; both?"

Xellos (who had decided this had worked out much better than he'd hoped and was greatly enjoying the destruction) looked to her and smiled wolfishly, deciding to go in for the kill.

"Oh don't worry Miss Amelia, it could have been worse. Imagine if YOU had drunk any of that."

There followed a loud crash as Zelgadiss fainted.

XOXOXOX

**A/N: (**giggle) poor Zel (ahem) anyway…

I got a good response to my first fic, so I decided I'd put up another of the same genre before moving on to more angsty stuff.

It figures Gourry would be smart enough to avoid the soup but still enough of a jellyfish to comment on Lina's breasts like that. The man's a walking paradox.

I've also reached the conclusion that Xellos is infinitely useful when it comes to writing humour. There's just so much he can DO. As a matter of fact I think Gourry is the only person he's never managed to (directly) upset.

A big thank you to everyone who reviewed last time and thanks in advance to everyone who reviews this time Tell me what you think and let me know what you want next, more humour or should I try something (slightly) more serious?


	2. Chapter 2

**NAKED CHIMERAS! **Right, now that I have your attention I don't own slayers and I doubt I ever will. I make no profit and intend no harm… and I apologize but there are no naked chimeras in this fic… …yes, I'm terribly disappointed about that too…

XOXOXOX

This wasn't any fun at all.

Wasn't having breasts meant to be a good thing? Gourry always complained that her breasts were small and people said the term 'flat-chested' as if it were a bad thing.

Right now she was unsure of whether she wasn't better of being flat. Lina always liked being the centre of attention. It was just who she was, but _she_ wanted to be the centre not… her breasts.

She'd first noticed this little development at dinner earlier that night. They'd been sitting in the newly repaired (Thanks to Amelia) inn dining room eating when Lina noticed she was getting the food easily. Too easily. Gourry wasn't fighting at all. She glanced up to find her protector giving every male in the room (apart form Zel who was rather conspicuously avoiding looking at both her AND Amelia –she'd have to ask about that later) the look of death. It was only then that she realized why. Most of the men in the room were attempting to look down her top. Some were even outright staring at her.

In a sudden mass movement the girlfriends/wives/significant others of all the attached men bopped them one over the head. That got rid of about a third of the men staring at her but the singles remained. She blushed slightly but decided to ignore it- as long as they were just looking and didn't try anything. She was the beautiful sorcery genius after all, besides there was still food on the table…

The second problem she noticed was the pain.

"How can you stand this?" she asked Amelia as she slipped into the hot spring beside the younger girl rubbing her aching shoulders.

"You get used to it. It probably doesn't help that you don't have any support. I'd lend you something of mine but I doubt anything I have would be big enough …I could always let one out a bit though I suppose"

"Thanks but I really can't picture myself in one of those blindingly white, lacy, frilly … _things _you wear with 'life is wonderful' embroidered over it. Even if no-one lese would see it."

Amelia giggled and held a hand behind her head sheepishly. "I guess not. We could always go shopping tomorrow and buy you something."

"That's a waste of money Amelia! Xellos said the potion should wear off in a couple of days."

"Oh yeah… well I guess you'll have to bear with it then" she said giving the sorceress a sympathetic pat. Lina sighed and sunk down into the water so nothing below her nose was visible. This was going to be a long couple of days…

XOXOXOX

Zel was rather surprised to find Gourry leaning against the wall in the hallway outside the girl's baths as he headed for the room they were sharing (they could only afford two rooms as Amelia had spent most of her money paying the damages and no-one else had any… that they were willing to impart with anyway). Although he didn't show his surprise or indeed any emotion -Xellos had been taunting him about his reaction to the remark he had made regarding Amelia. As a result he had his best poker-face on and was keeping his emotions firmly under wraps.

Or trying to anyway.

"Gourry, what are you doing out here?"

"I'm waiting for Lina."

"What for?"

"A lot of guys were looking at her bad tonight… So I was thinking it'd be easier for me to protect her and stop them from trying anything if we shared a room tonight. And you could share with Amelia."

The poker face broke spectacularly and Zelgadiss' face became a huge blush at the though of sharing a room with the princess. He recovered quickly though and managed to avoid stammering as he fought to find a reason to stop Gourry from going ahead with this.

"But… Wouldn't Lina fireball you if you suggested that? She'd probably think you were 'trying something' yourself."

Ah, victory… saved from a night of temptation- No! Torment! Torment!

"Nah" said Gourry and turned his head to the side so Zel could see the bruise that still ringed his eye "She beat all that outta me. Besides, we've roomed before, and you and Amelia get on really well."

If it were anyone else Zelgadiss knew he could take that last comment as a simple statement, but this was Gourry and you could never tell how much he understood or what he was thinking so he decided to clear up any… implications that might arise about his relationship with Amelia. Although it was probably as much to assure himself as Gourry.

"Now look-"

That was as far as he got however as fate chose that as the moment for Amelia to emerge from the baths, her hair was still wet and she was dressed in a robe that barely came to mid thigh. She was carrying a couple of towels and a bowl of toiletries pressed against her chest… suddenly Zelgadiss found the opposite wall very interesting.

"Mr Gourry, Mr Zelgadiss? What are you doing out here?"

"I was waiting for Lina."

"Hey, did someone say my name?"

Lina emerged in a similar state as Amelia only she wasn't carrying anything. No doubt she had forced Amelia into carrying her stuff as well.

"Hey, Lina I was thinking…"

"You were thinking? Well that's rare. What is it, and it'd better not be stupid."

"Well a lot of guys were giving you looks tonight and I thought it might be safer if we shared a room."

"Ah! Mr Gourry, are you really that worried about Miss Lina?"

"Well I am her protector."

Amelia seemed a bit put out by this as the hope that Gourry might be admitting he cared for Lina was extinguished. Lina however blushed, he was worried…for her? Quickly she laughed and waved it off.

"It's okay Gourry; I can take care of myself. I'm sure if anything happens Amelia and I can handle it."

Gourry frowned. Two girls tended to attract a lot more attention than one and he doubted either of them would be able to handle the type of attention they'd receive. As if to prove his point two mercenaries entered the hallway and sidled up to Lina and Amelia.

"Hey there ladies," said the bolder of the two, putting one hand on the wall near Amelia and leaning over her. "Are these guys bothering you? Want me to get rid of them?" he asked her indicating Gourry and Zel while his companion took up a position near Lina and smiled suggestively at her.

"N-no, that's fine…" Amelia stammered backing away slightly towards Lina who had a look of revulsion on her face. This guy was openly staring at her when she was wearing no more than a robe! Even Gourry had more sense than that. How the heck did you deal with guys like this?

"Really? Then maybe I should escort you someplace else…"

Zelgadiss' eyes narrowed and his hand drifted towards his sword hilt. Behind him Gourry did the same. If this was going where he thought it was the man who dared address his Amelia was going to be a head shorter in a moment. … wait a minute, _his_ Amelia?

"…My room perhaps?"

At this point he had leaned over very close to the princess and seemed to be addressing her cleavage. Naturally she reacted the only way any upstanding, moral, justice-loving, innocent maiden would; scream like a banshee and beat the hell out of the villain! Beside her Lina followed suit.

To their surprise the mercs fought back and both girls soon discovered that these were _trained_ fighters. Not your average run-of-the-mill idiot bounty hunters/bandits. And in a narrow hallway like this neither of them could use their spells for fear of it backfiring on them.

There was no need however, for in a sudden blur Gourry brought the hilt of his sword down on the head of the man attacking Lina and Zel's rocky fist connected with the face of the other.

It goes without saying that both mercenaries promptly lost consciousness and slumped to the floor to wake hours later with splitting headaches, meanwhile however Amelia was muttering something about villains and righteous punishment under her breath, Zel had developed an interest in the wall again and Lina was trying to ignore the 'I-told-ya-so' look she was getting from Gourry. She sighed and rested her head in a hand.

"Alright, you may have a point. I guess even a jellyfish has to get it right sometimes."

Zel's head snapped up, they weren't going to…?

His fears were confirmed as Gourry nodded and threw his room key to Amelia who looked at it in slight confusion before comprehension dawned and she took off after the retreating pair. She stopped when she got to the end of the hall and looked back.

"Mr Zelgadiss? Aren't you coming?"

"I think I'll stay up a bit longer. Goodnight."

Amelia nodded and disappeared around the corner. Zelgadiss sighed and took up the position Gourry had held leaning against the wall his eyes closed in serious contemplation. He could always sleep in the hall that would probably be the safest option -he'd be able to stop people getting into the room without actually having to be inside himself.

He opened his eyes to find himself face to face with a grinning Xellos. Damnit. His subconscious did a couple of quick calculations and decided he was probably better of in a room with Amelia than ANYWHERE with the trickster. At the very least she would be able to sing to keep him away.

"Don't. Say. A. Word." He growled out before turning swiftly and heading down the hall towards the room, a blush over his face despite his best attempts.

Xellos watched him go silently. This had certainly turned out much better than he had hoped. Between Zel's humiliation and Lina's frustration he had a full course meal. Add in the occasional dash of pain from Gourry or Amelia's fear that she would end up emptying Saillune's coffers to pay all the damages before this was over and it became a meal fit for a king!

A moan beside him grabbed his attention and he looked at the mercenaries still unconscious on the floor. He thought for a moment before moving them into a rather… compromising position. Satisfied with his work he teleported away to see what other mischief he could cause.

This was just too much fun!

XOXOXOX

**A/N:** I tried to keep the pairings out of this, I really did. But it's definitely starting to look AZ and LG-ish isn't it?

Now that I've done a second chapter I'm probably gonna have to write a third to wind it all up huh? Well if enough of you ask…

Oh and to answer some questions;

Neo cristal Serenity – As with all questions that regard where Xellos got something the answer is of course a secret. Sorry! Mistress DragonFlame – Yes, yes he did enjoy that image too much. I always have trouble writing detail into fics as I always seem to picture things in my head better than I can write them (i.e. in this chapter Amelia throws the towels/toiletries into the mercs' face but I just can't write it properly so what happened to the stuff she was holding while she fights becomes a plot hole (I can't write fight scenes either for that matter)) but I'm working on it, honest!

Please leave a review and tell me whatcha' think and whether or not you want more!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own slayers. Maybe one day when/if I win the lottery and/or make millions on the stock market I will. Until then I make no profit from this.

87, 88, 89, 90… 90 tiles on the ceiling. 54 boards on the floor, the wallpaper pattern repeated 36 times and that was the 4th time Amelia muttered 'justice' in her sleep.

_Damnit you're not supposed to be paying attention to her! _Zelgadiss berated himself and rolled over on his side to face away from the princess.

It was hard not to focus on her though, purely because he was trying not to. Even as he told himself to ignore her he was listening intently to her breathing and the occasional word or expression that filtered through her sleep.

By the time he got to the room she was already changed and curled up in bed sleeping lightly, and so it should have been easy for him to do the same rather than have to talk with her or feel embarrassed knowing she was on the other side of the screen as he changed. But no, it was impossible. He'd been nothing but aware of Amelia since Xellos said those fateful words;

"_Oh don't worry Miss Amelia, it could have been worse. Imagine if YOU had drunk any of that."_

That had of course conjured an image to his mind that Amelia would no-doubt have called 'unjust' and it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep that image out of his head now that he was in a room with her… alone… Ack! He grabbed the pillow and covered his head with it and willed himself to sleep. He would _not _become a pervert, he would go to sleep and forget all about her.

"Mr Zelgadiss..."

Zel sat up sharply and looked over at the princess. She was still sleeping. But... she had said his name? Was she dreaming of... him? Why would she dream of him? Were the others in the dream? Was it just himself? Had she said his name with affection or just her normal cheery manner? Was it a good dream? A nightmare? Did it matter?

Why would she dream of him seemed to be the million dollar question though and only one answer flitted through Zel's mind; maybe she cared for him?

"…Miss Lina that's my meatball…"

Maybe not.

"For jus…ti…ce…"

Murmuring the last phrase Amelia turned in her sleep and faced away so he could no longer hear her ramblings. That was five times she'd said it then… _ACK! Don't pay attention, don't pay attention!_

XOXOXOX

No matter how she twisted or turned she simply could NOT get comfortable! Laying on her front was impossible, on the side cramped whichever arm was beneath her and laying on her back put more pressure on her ribcage due to gravity and the mass that had accumulated on her chest... It just wasn't fair! If she had shared with Amelia or Zel she could have asked them to slap a sleep spell on her but no, she was with Gourry.

Gourry... Gourry who had been worried about her. Enough to suggest this... Gourry who was... awake and staring at her!

"_FIREBALL_"

"Oooow, what was that for?" a now crispy Gourry asked.

"What do you mean 'what was that for'? You were staring at me!"

"You were tossing about, I was checking to see if something was wrong."

Lina blushed and looked away. He'd been worried bout her again, and she'd... she shook her head and pulled the covers closer around her.

"Lina? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Gourry. Go to sleep..."

Lina looked back over to find him already snoring lightly although he looked slightly burnt around the edges. She sighed and decided there was only one way she would be able to get any rest, it might not work but there was only one way to find out. She put her hand on her forehead and concentrated "_Sleep._" The spell took effect almost instantly so she wasn't able to stop her head hitting against the headboard on its journey back to the pillow.

XOXOXOX

Amelia bounded down the stairs the next morning with all her usual enthusiasm. But when she got to the table where her friends were she found them looking a lot less than 100 percent. Zelgadiss had bags under his eyes and was drinking more coffee than usual, Lina was massaging a bump on the back of her head and Gourry had patches of soot on his face as if he'd been fireballed...

"Morning! Did everyone sleep okay?"

Zelgadiss jumped at the sound of her voice and looked away giving a stiff nod in answer of her question. Lina muttered 'fine' around a mouthful of pancakes, one hand still rubbing the back of her head. Only Gourry looked up and smiled at her.

"Yup, how about you?"

"Out like a light" she grinned and helped herself to the few remaining pancakes sacrificing one to Lina in order to avoid the silent death threat she received upon taking the last one. Lina's glare could bore holes through mountains.

After finishing her meal she was going to ask if they were moving on or if they would stay at the inn until Lina's ...situation was resolved when they were interrupted by a new voice. The gang looked over to find the innkeeper and another man they hadn't met standing by their table.

"Excuse me, are you Lina Inverse?"

"Depends, who's asking?"

"Ah, forgive me, my name is O'Hara I'm the mayor of this town. I was wondering if you might be interested in a job..."

"What sort of job?"

"I'd like you to take care of some bandits that have been plaguing the town recently."

"Don't you have guards or something to deal with this type of thing?" asked Lina, leaning back in her seat folding her arms and giving an 'I'm-not-interested' look that O'Hara seemed to miss.

"We did have a pair of mercenaries hired to deal with it, but they seem to have vanished..."

XOXOXOXOX

At that precise moment said mercenaries woke up in the hallway that connected the baths and the rooms with splitting headaches and found themselves in a rather awkward position. Practically nose to nose and lying one on top of the other they very quickly became aware of whose hand was _where_ exactly and after blushing furiously for a few moments they disentangled themselves at light speed took off in different directions to find an order of monks to join. Somewhere on the Astral plain Xellos laughed.

XOXOXOXOX

"…You would of course be well rewarded for your efforts. Say… a hundred gold?"

Amelia stood up suddenly, slammed her hands down on the table causing Lina to wince as the sound reverberated in her head, she massaged one temple preparing herself for the justice-speech she knew was coming.

"Let's go Miss Lina! We'll get rid of the bandits and save the town! Those who live in darkness shall be brought to retribution by the hammer of justice!"

"Sit down Amelia, this isn't our problem. There's no way I'd work for that little anyway. Sorry Mr Mayor."

"Oh? Then how about one-fifty and we'll cover your expenses for your stay here?"

Lina blinked and a cat-like grin appeared on her face complete with sharper than normal teeth. She clasped her hands together and smiled as sweetly as possible at the mayor.

"Then I do believe we have a deal. Waiter! Another round please, triple portions like before!"

O'Hara sweated slightly and began to wonder if he hadn't just made a huge mistake…

XOXOXOXOX

"Wow, there are so many of them!" Amelia whispered.

Lina nodded her agreement and pulled back out of the bush they were spying under to form a plan. The bandit camp certainly was large. There were about 2-3 hundred of them in groups of about 20 seated around fires, the odd tent here and there probably containing supplies and loot and a couple more bandits. No way would she have ever thought of clearing this out for a hundred gold!

The best way of clearing out a camp like this was to scare as many bandits away as possible. So she had to go down into the camp and pull off a couple of big spells to surprise and scatter them. A drill brand or a blast ash… maybe a mega brand, then again given the average IQ of most bandits they'd likely be scared off by a burst rondo. Gourry would stop any of the braver bandits that tried to get close to her while casting and Zel and Amelia would pick off any stragglers. The problem was how to get down there without being seen.

"Well what have we here?"

Scratch _that_ idea.

"Well there goes the element of surprise. Trust a bandit camp of this size to have a patrol." She said nonchalantly before fireballing the unfortunate guy and turning to face the legion that had now been alerted to their presence.

Around her Gourry, Zel and Amelia took up fight stances realising quickly they were going to have to brawl this out. Without giving the bandits the customary time to brag, make cliché puns and so on they launched into their attack. Flare bits and Burst rondo's from Amelia divided the mob into smaller groups while Daug haut's and the occasional Vlave howl from Zelgadiss altered the geography enough to keep them in their smaller groups and finish off the few who weren't fast enough to get out of the way of the lava. Gourry moved from position to position taking down bandits in their tens with single sword strokes. He was never where he was supposed to be and never in the same place twice as the bodies piled in his wake.

After finishing off a most spectacular drill brand that killed/maimed/scared off most of the remaining bandits and in a brief moment of lucidity Lina wondered how it had happened that a Black magic sorceress, a descendant of the original swordsman of light, a Chimera great-grandson of Rezo and a princess of Saillune had become so close that they fought together flawlessly without having to talk over plans beforehand. Amelia had it wrong, life wasn't wonderful –it was _weird_.

The moment of lucidity ended as the dust settled and Lina looked out triumphantly over the scene of devastation, holding up a victory sign as her friends regrouped.

"That's what you get for messing with Lina Inverse!"

The few bandits who had somehow and rather miracouslymanaged to remain unharmed through the attack exchanged glances and one stood forward slightly.

"Lina 'the bandit killer, dragon spooker, walking force of destruction' Inverse? That Lina Inverse?"

"I prefer 'Beautiful sorcery genius' actually." She replied with a flick of her hair.

The bandits exchanged looks again, started to grin and then… burst into laughter.

"That's a laugh! _You_ Lina Inverse? You're just some wannabe fangirl! Lina Inverse is flat."

"**_What?_**" Lina's voice was dangerously low and the gang could almost _see_ the angry energy crackling off her "How _dare _you call me a wannabe? I'm-"

She was interrupted suddenly by a popping noise and everyone looked for the source only to see her chest had deflated. There was a moment of shocked silence (in which Gourry thought "Damn" having learned the hard way not to say so out loud.) until the bandits started howling with laughter again.

"You really are her! Ha! Lina Inverse stuffing her chest! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Lina, now a similar shade of red as her eyes from a mixture of anger and embarrassment acted exactly as an angry, embarrassed Lina could be expected to.

"Darknessbeyondtwilightcrimsonbeyond-" she began to rattle off and only Zelgadiss' chimiric speed saved Gourry, Amelia and himself from being caught in the blast that shook the entire country a few seconds later.

"DRAGON SLAAAAVE!"

It was a long time before any bandits dared insult Lina Inverse, even when she wasn't within earshot.

XOXOXOX

Looking highly satisfied with herself Lina strode into the inn pronounced the bandit situation dealt with and ordered four platters of the house special ("Ahem." "Oh alright, three and a pot of coffee.") Her unfortunate friends walked a good step behind her wearing looks of annoyance, frustration and relief before they made their way to a table in the corner of the room and slipped back into the usual discussion. Skirting around the latest little escapade until…

"Here you go!" chirped the waitress "Three house specials and a pot of coffee!" she set the food down on the table, stepped back and in the fashion of waitresses everywhere asked; "Is that everything?"

Lina's face bore a resemblance to the one she had worn when she first tried 'dragon cuisine' AKA Orc and Whale meat.

"Umm… what is this?" she asked looking at the horrifyingly familiar blue colour.

"It's a new recipe we got from a travelling priest a few days ago! It's been very popular with the women here."

'Oh' thought Gourry, so the soup was okay after all.

"It doesn't smell bad" Said Amelia holding a spoonful to her nose. "It's a strange colour though."

The spoon was millimetres from her mouth when it was slapped away from her, a resounding 'NO' coming from Lina's direction.

"Amelia don't! That's the stuff I drank! It made me-"

**POP**

Very slowly Zelgadiss lifted his head from his coffee. That sound… Nervously he looked at Lina, she was still her normal self. Even more nervously he looked at Amelia she was…. Also still her normal self (_Damn_). He didn't have any so that just left…

XOXOXOX

The wolves of Wolf Pack Island twitched their ears in the direction of the cry of ultimate suffering echoing from somewhere on the mainland. In the Greater Beast's chambers Xellos paused in his task of refilling her wine glass to give his mistress a pleading look. Sighing Zelas waved her hand dismissively

"Go on then, if you must."

Xellos grinned and refrained from doing a happy dance- dignified monsters did NOT do the happy dance. He phased from his mistress's presence to reappear near the inn forcing his legs to remain still as he looked in through a window.

He estimated it would take Lina and Amelia about three hours to corner Gourry and force him into drag, which they would soon (with a little assistance) realise was the best option. The swordsman's fear during those hours would be most delectable. Not to mention his feelings thereafter.

Yes, Life was won- well… highly amusing anyway.

XOXOXOX

**A/N**: Xellos doing the happy dance… Can you imagine? I cracked up when I thought of that. Anyway…

I really need to stop this, but I just can't find a way to end it, too many lose ends. I think the chapter with the most definitive ending was the first, I really need to learn when to stop.

Mistress Dragonflame; I absolutely hate myself for not thinking of the sleep spell. In retrospect however, when fighting an opponent who is physically taller/stronger than oneself people tend to forget the little details. Besides, I couldn't have had Gourry and Zel jump in to save them that way and Gourry's 'I-told-ya-so' look would have lost its edge. Glad ya like though. Lina Gabriev: That's an interesting idea, although I agree that I have no idea how I'd get Naga into the fic. I was actually referring to the first chapter when I said I tried to keep the pairings out (I reckon you can read it without seeing any pairings- lets face it how ELSE would Zel react to a mental image like that?) The second and subsequent third chapters refused to be written without pairings. Glad you like and yes hopefully Lina will get a lesson out of this. The way things are going now though it looks like Gourry might too. Lesli; Sorry, okay Lesli. How about just 'Les'? hehe, anyway another update! I am writing other fics too, but they're a lot less spur-of-the-moment, longer and (in my opinion) a lot less funny. I do have a couple of one-shots written but they will probably never see the light of day. I know you can never really critique yourself but I'm not confident enough in myself and writing skills to post them without hours of pointless tweaking that will most likely make them worse. So we'll see how much of a boost I get from the reviews from this before I think of other things.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer; I write stories for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of others. I don't own the slayers, but if I can make people happy by using them is that really such a bad thing? Is that not why they were created in the first place? Entertainment? In that case long live the legacy of the Slayers through any means possible! (Particularly fanfiction)

XOXOXOX

Gourry took a deep breath and stayed very, VERY still. His life depended on it. He was hiding in the closet of what had become Amelia and Zel's room and he could hear the little princess moving about looking for him. Hopefully she wouldn't think to look in here, it was very small and cramped – not somewhere anyone would think to hide for a long period of time… Sometimes being an idiot has its advantages.

How had it come to this? Oh yeah, he'd eaten that soup. He should have known to trust his instincts and leave it alone rather than take the waitress's word that it was okay. But he'd just been so hungry after destroying the bandit camp that his instincts had been overruled by his stomach. And now he had… breasts… and it was NOT a nice experience. When he'd been forced into women's clothes before he'd found that the weight on his chest (not to mention the frills around his legs) got in the way of his sword and movement, indeed the only time he hadn't removed said clothing before using his sword was in Fe… Fe.. Fem… that place with all the shrine maidens where his life really did depend on looking like a girl.

But this was so much worse. This wasn't just a little stuffing he actually had breasts. Thankfully not as big as Lina had had, more on a par with Amelia -probably because he hadn't had any to start with. And now Lina had decided the best way to get through this was to dress him as a girl. That was one thing he didn't want to go through again. The first time had been bad enough, the second could have cost him his life and the third almost did when Amelia decided HE would be 'bait' for a sea dragon… she was definitely starting to act more like Lina.

No, he wouldn't let that happen again. He'd stay in the closet until the soup had worn off, it couldn't take THAT long.

"Hallo!" Chirped Xellos suddenly appearing in the confined space next to the swordsman and startling him so much he fell out of the closet with a yelp and landed on his back looking up into the blue eyes of Amelia.

"Ah, there you are Mr Gourry! MISS LINA! I FOUND HIM, OVER HERE!"

Mission accomplished Xellos disappeared back into astral space with a grin to watch the proceedings.

XOXOXOX

Lina settled back into her chair at the table opposite from Zelgadiss. They'd finally cornered Gourry and forced him into drag. She'd just left Amelia to put the final touches on with make up. She did feel kinda sorry for her protector, but then maybe this would teach him not to make comments on her chest size again.

"Look at this." Said Zelgadiss and handed over a flyer he'd been reading.

"Spring-time festival." Lina read aloud. "Dancing, stalls, games, fireworks, fun for the whole family… Hmmm, well it would be nice to have a break for a while, just have fun without having to worry about dark lords or bandits."

Zelgadiss sighed and nodded. He'd been expecting that reaction even if it wasn't the one he wanted, he hated crowds. He would just leave except he was out of leads for a cure and wherever Lina went rumours and hints were bound to follow so he'd stay until he got wind of a cure.

He began to seriously reconsider that decision however, as Xellos suddenly appeared in the seat next to him.

"Hello! How are you today?"

"Xellos, just the monster I wanted to see!"

Xellos had no time for more than a surprised 'oh?' before Lina had him in a headlock that would have cut off his air supply had he needed to breath.

"The waitress said they got the recipe for that soup from a travelling priest. That'd be you wouldn't it?"

"That is a secret."

"Well that's a 'yes' if ever I heard one." Said Lina before slamming the trickster's face into the table and saying 'Life. Is. Wonderful.' right in his ear.

"Now, now Miss Lina there's no need for that!" Said Xellos holding his hands out in a pacifying gesture and turning slightly green.

"I think there's every need, but what are you doing here Xellos?"

"Oh I just thought I'd stop by and see how you're all doing and give my commiserations to Gourry. It's fortunate you managed to stop Miss Amelia eating any though." He said with a sly glance at Zelgadiss, but was disappointed to find he elicited no reaction from the chimera whatsoever. His mind had been cleansed of all 'unjust' thoughts about the princess very effectively by the image of Gourry with breasts – some things are just not meant to be seen.

Lina was about to reply when an argument at the top of the stairs drifted down to their ears.

"Come ON Mr Gourry! It's not that bad!"

"Yes it is! I'm NOT going down there!"

"You can't stay in your room all day! It's not just to leave your friends by themselves!"

"Where's the justice in forcing me to wear this?"

"Well… um… It's like Miss Lina said! You shouldn't have made those comments about her! Besides I went to a lot of trouble to find that dress for you!"

Amelia appeared, walking backwards and dragging Gourry by the arm. She gave a fierce tug and the swordswoman –err swordsman stumbled into view as well.

Amelia _had_ gone to a lot of trouble to find the dress. Instead of the usual pink he was forced into when he had to go in drag Amelia managed to find a dark blue dress that pretty much matched the colour of the armour he normally wore. Even more amazingly she'd managed to find the only dress in town that didn't reveal vast amounts of cleavage. Due to the sudden increase of voluptuous women in town the tailors had been making the dresses smaller and cut much lower than could be considered decent. Gourry's dress however could be called turtleneck, with a collar that came up to just below his chin. White lace peaked out from the end of long sleeves and the skirt brushed the floor disguising the fact that he was still wearing his boots underneath it. His hair was caught back by a bow at the base of his neck and trailed down from there, except of course the bangs that were too short to be pulled back and fell over his face as they normally did. Mascara accented long lashes and a rich eyeshadow further complimented his eyes, a touch of gloss tinted with the lightest shade of pink made his lips seem delicate and, for want of a better description, feminine. Finally Amelia's pearl necklace and some clip-on earrings completed the ensemble.

Seeing the look of abject misery on her guardian's face Lina tried her best not to laugh, but was unable to stifle a small giggle which she hastily disguised as a cough. Xellos however was grinning widely.

"Oh dear _Miss_ Gourry! You mustn't scowl like that, if the wind changes it'll stick!"

Giving a look that could have killed Gourry slid silently into the last seat at the table leaving Amelia standing. She was okay with this though, it was far easier to pose for a justice speech while standing.

"Mr Xellos! It's unjust to tease someone for things they can't control! At times like this true friends must stick together! So long as we have love and justice in our hearts we will help Miss Gourry through!" Suddenly realising what she had said Amelia flushed and back paddled furiously "I mean Mr Gourry! We'll help **Mr** Gourry through!"

Gourry's head hung and he drew patterns on the table with his index finger, a cloud seeming to hang over him. Not one to let anyone get depressed Lina slapped him on the back forcefully and tried to cheer him up.

"C'mon Gourry! Look at this! Spring festival! It starts tonight so we'll go along and I'll buy you dinner okay?"

"Really?" Asked Gourry looking up, the thought of Lina buying him dinner for once cheering him immensely. Lina just nodded and held up a victory sign. Zelgadiss sighed and decided it probably wasn't a good idea to point out that their expenses were being paid so Lina wouldn't really be buying him dinner at all. Lina probably realised that anyway.

XOXOXOX

They made it to the town square just as the music was starting. The entire town had been decked out with bunting and lanterns which trailed from house to house above the street. Everyone in town seemed to be happy –even for a festival. And Lina guessed it was because the bandits were gone.

The moment they arrived Amelia bounded out onto the dance floor and the only way the gang could spot her was by looking for the flash of yellow between the dancers –Amelia had changed into a sundress she had acquired on their latest adventure and her hair was wreathed with daisies, buttercups and primroses. Even Lina had changed into the black and gold trim ensemble she had worn in Femille. Only Zelgadiss remained in his usual clothing refusing to wear anything 'festive' though he did keep his mask and hood down.

They found a table that had been set up outside the tavern from where they could watch the dancing and claimed it as their own, Lina putting her feet up on the chair next to her reserving it for Amelia. Gourry brightened a bit as he watched the dancing, his foot tapping in time to the lively music. He may even have joined in were it not for his current…situation.

Xellos appeared out of the tavern moving towards their table carrying a pitcher and several tankards which Zel eyed warily.

"What did you put in that Xellos?"

Xellos gave a look of absolute indignation even going as far as to open his eyes to glare at the chimera.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Tampering with good drink indeed, Lord Beastmaster would have a fit! You make me sound like some sort of monster!"

"You ARE a monster Xellos." Lina pointed out. Gourry blinked and looked round the table.

"Why would Xellos put anything in the drink?"

"He was the one who came up with that soup recipe" Zel explained and Gourry's eyes narrowed. Oh he did, did he?

Sensing the hostility from the usually calm swordsman Xellos grinned. But decided to change the subject as fast as possible, he wanted to stretch this out as long as he could and that meant putting off any physical confrontation. Pouring the drinks out he asked where Amelia was.

"I'm right here." She said, appearing by the table and claiming her seat from Lina before slumping down out of breath but grinning widely.

"Phew, it's been a while since I've been to a dance like this." She remarked looking over the dance floor as another reel stuck up.

"I'd have thought you had dances like this in Saillune all the time?" Zel asked.

"Yes, but not for this kind of dancing."

"That's odd" said Lina tilting her head slightly "I can't picture you slow-dancing."

"You'd be surprised." She grinned before blinking and turning to Gourry, only now noticing the death-glare he was giving Xellos "Is something wrong Mr Gourry?"

"Oh he's fine" said Lina dismissively and plonked a glass down in front of the swordsman "Here Gourry, drink up!"

Amelia got as far as opening her mouth to point out the injustices of drinking when the band announced the next dance as one she was familiar with. She jumped out of her seat and took Zelgadiss' hand

"C'mon Mr Zelgadiss, dance with me!"

"NO!" Zelgadiss snatched back his hand as if he had been burned, but the look of hurt and rejection on Amelia's face was enough to make him regret it instantly.

"I don't dance. It's nothing against you Amelia, I just don't."

Is what he _wanted _to say but he hadn't gotten past a stuttered 'I' before Xellos put an arm around Amelia's shoulders and began leading away her to join the dance.

"Let's go Miss Amelia, I'll dance with you."

"You dance Mr Xellos?" She asked, surprised.

"Oh I picked up a few steps here and there." He said, smiling at the sensations he felt as Zelgadiss joined Gourry in giving him death looks.

Lina sighed and leaned back, thoughts from earlier drifting by her – life was most definitely weird. First she'd drunk that soup, then Gourry had called a situation right (when he suggested they share rooms), then the bandit camp, then Gourry drunk the soup now Amelia was dancing with _Xellos_ -what next? Zelgadiss would say he liked his chimera body? That was certainly the next weirdest thing that could happen.

"Miss Lala!"

Of course she _could_ be wrong.

Gourry froze. He didn't have the best memory in the world but he remembered THAT voice. Very slowly he turned and found himself looking into the eyes of someone he'd hoped never to see again.

"Lala it IS you!" cried Volun throwing himself to his knees in front of Gourry "I finally found you!"

There were two occasions in the history of the world where someone had said or thought "well it can't get any worse" and it actually been true. The first was L-sama upon regarding her new creation, the second was a golden dragon who had broken his wife's best china, been forced to sleep outside, told his mother-in-law was visiting, had his breakfast stolen by his children, caught a terrible cold the day before, given a pay cut,ordered to do guard duty outside in the rain and was (at the time he thought it) on his knees staring down the handle of a certain jewel-tipped staff with the distinct feeling his death was going to be as painful as the beast priest could make it. He was of course, right.

But while it was entirely possible that Gourry's day could have been a whole lot worse, it certainly didn't feel like it to the swordsman.

"V-volun!" cried Lina as Gourry sat there thunderstruck. Zel arched an eyebrow, Volun? He's heard this story before hadn't he? Something about Gourry being proposed to… Suddenly the chimera's life slid into perspective and didn't seem quite as bleak as his friends did at that moment.

"My dear Lala" Volun rasped, taking both of Gourry's hands in his and holding them to his chest "At last we can be together. After the dragon attack I feared I'd lost you but now we're together again we can get your sisters blessings and be married at once!"

Gourry collapsed backwards into a dead faint as the image of himself in a wedding dress being married to another man flitted through his mind. Complete with Lina and Amelia throwing flower petals everywhere and Zelgadiss standing in the back arms crossed as ever.

"Lala? LALA!"

"Oh dear" Said Lina and gave a little giggle "My sis seems to have been overcome. I'll just take her back to the inn to recover"

"Please, allow me to help Miss Lili."

"No, no that's fine" Said Lina showing considerable strength as she managed to support Gourry wrapping one of his arms round her neck "I can manage and I don't think she'd like the thought of you going out of your way to help."

Lina started to drag the swordsman off and Zel made as if to follow but Lina shook her head.

"You better stay here and tell Xellos and Ame- um, Lulu where we are." She said before moving off leaving Zelgadiss to deal with Volun.

XOXOXOX

Gourry came to, sweating and looking around feverishly. Was it all just a dream? He looked down. Nope, he still had breasts so that part wasn't a dream, but what about…

"So you finally decided to wake up huh, _Lala_?"

He looked over and found Lina sitting on the other bed watching him.

"What happened?"

"You fainted. So I had to lug you back here and leave Zel to deal with your boyfriend."

Gourry shivered "Please Lina, don't even joke. What am I going to do?"

"Well the way I see it you have three options, 1 hide here until it's time to leave, 2 Face Volun and tell him you don't love him…"

"What's option three?"

"Give up and get married."

Gourry collapsed backwards again shaking his head furiously. That was definitely not an option he would consider. Suddenly, something rare and unexpected happened; Gourry got an idea. He wasn't sure it was a particularly good idea but in this situation anything was worth a short, right?

"Hey, Lina?"

"Yeah?"

"If Xellos made that stuff then it's like magic right?"

"Kind of. Monsters don't use magic like we do, so it's more like a timed curse than anything else."

"Right" said Gourry, letting that information go right over his head "but if it's like that, can't you do that thing Amelia does? That spell that cancels the others?"

Lina blinked, the flow break? It couldn't possibly be that simple could it? There was no way Xellos would make something that could be countered so easily. And if he had that meant she had gone through all that when it could have ended much sooner.

Not sure if it would be better if the spell worked or failed Lina held her hand out towards Gourry and chanted the words.

**POP**

'It'll wear off in a few days' huh? Oh that monster was gonna get it!

XOXOXOXOX

**A/N:** And here we go, Xellos' streak of luck runs to a close. How exactly does one get vengeance on a monster? Well you'll just have to wait and see. As for Volun, he'll be dealt with too.

This chapter wasn't as funny as the last few methinks. And i doubt the next one will be much better, i seem to have lost my inspiration... Ah well, i'll try anyhow.

CarolinaWhiteRose: Thank you, though I'm not so sure it's such a great story myself. When it comes to humour though, timing is everything. It just wouldn't have been funny if she deflated anywhere else than in front of a crowd like that. Anna Nimmie Tee: Thank you! I think that's the best compliment I've ever received. I quite agree that that was the best chapter; it's all going downhill from there but I try my best. And yes I imagine a happy dance would hurt Xellos, but then he always has displayed some masochistic tendencies.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer; don't own, never will, no profit -enjoy!

XOXOXOX

Lina's eyes glinted dangerously as she stalked back towards the town square. Xellos was going to pay. Not only had he made that soup but lied about how to cure it.

Well maybe not lied exactly – it _had_ worn off after a day, but he hadn't told them it could be countered by flow break!

"Lina…"

When she got hold of him he would be in so much pain he would wish never to have been born. She could picture it clearly; a couple of fireballs followed by a dragon slave (once she'd tricked him out of town of course) if that wasn't enough to render him immobile she'd cast a shadow snap and set Amelia on him.

"Lina?"

A couple of love, truth and justice speeches and maybe a verse or two of 'life is wonderful' then, once he had been reduced to a suitable pile of mush she'd package him up and send him to Filia as one of those stress-relief toys you're supposed to squeeze –and dragons have a very good grip.

"Lina!"

"WHAT IS IT GOURRY?"

She whirled around to face the swordsman and only the force of her anger stopped her from bursting into laughter at the sight of him.

Once he had been cured Gourry had instantly changed into his usual attire and removed the make-up Amelia had applied so professionally. Unfortunately he didn't have much experience removing make-up and had hence made a complete mess of it. The delicate pink gloss on his lips had been smudged making his mouth appear thrice the size, mascara ran down his face in streaks and the eyeshadow had only been half removed making a rather interesting two colour effect that wouldn't look right on anybody.

"Where are we going?"

Lina smacked her forehead against her palm.

"To find Xellos so I can inflict serious amounts of pain on him."

"Oh… wouldn't he like that?"

"What?"

"Well um, he's a monster right? So wouldn't being angry and trying to hurt him make him feel happy?"

Lina blinked. He was right. Not only was he thinking things through but he was actually right. First the rooms then the flow break – he seemed to be on a roll. Well, third times the charm…

"Well what would you suggest then?"

"If he wants us to be mad at him we should just ignore him and go back to the inn and be happy. We could get a snack or something for until Zelgadiss and Amelia get back then eat again when they do." He said with a grin, then added "None of that blue stuff though."

Naturally the suggestion of food was much to Lina's liking. She smiled and let the anger slip away from her. The effect of Gourry's make-up finally caught up with her and she giggled a bit and produced a handkerchief to wipe it off with.

"C'mere Gourry, you've still got stuff on your face."

Obediently Gourry bent to allow Lina access to his face without having to jump to reach. Once she'd cleaned his face Lina quickly became aware of how close they were and to _which_ parts of her anatomy Gourry's eyes were currently directed. She began bracing herself to fireball the jellyfish when he spoke.

"Y'know I like you better this way than when you drank that stuff." He looked up and grinned disarmingly "You're beautiful as you are."

Completely stunned Lina could do no more than blink. Sure she always said she was beautiful but no-one else seemed to agree, and certainly not 'as you are'. But Gourry had just said that…

She must have been standing there in shock for quite some time for the next thing she knew Gourry was waving his hand in her face to get her attention.

"Hey Lina, are we going to go get food or what?" He asked, as if he hadn't said anything out of the ordinary.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, Lets go!"

She recoverd herself, grinned and winked before running back towards the inn, Gourry behind her calling out the usual chant of 'Food! Food! Food!'

The smile didn't leave her face all evening.

XOXOXOXOX

"After crossing the mountains of tears in a single afternoon I ran into a particularly fierce bunch of bandits. Of course they were no trouble for the legendary hero Volun, but still there was no sign of Miss Lala. I began to despair of ever seeing her again I pushed on however and soon found myself…"

Zel sighed and allowed his mind to drift away from the _fascinating _life of the 'great hero' Volun. Realistically, he thought, it would have taken him at least three days to cross the mountains of tears on his own and the 'fierce bandits' were probably a group of worse idiots than him (as it happened it had taken Volun two months to travel _around_ the mountains and the bandits had been a pair of children play-fighting with sticks for swords, but then Volun had always been a braggart and could make a paper cut into a tragic war wound.). He'd been talking non stop for an hour and a half and didn't seem to be slowing down at all. Zelgadiss began to ponder the amount of damaged a burst rondo might do the area immediately surrounding the 'great blabbermouth' and calculating how much power it would actually take to shut him up when Xellos re-appeared by the table.

"My, what a story! I must remember this one, please do continue."

Zel frowned, something was wrong here. Not that that was saying much, something was always wrong wherever the trickster was involved. His frown deepened however, when he realised what it was.

"Where's Amelia?" He interjected cutting off Volun's continuation. "And don't even _think_ about saying 'that's a secret'" he added seeing Xellos's finger move into its customary pose.

"Well if you must know she's right over there dancing."

"With who?"

"Didn't get a name" he said with a shrug "He seemed keen to dance with the 'Bonnie lass' she wanted to dance and I was quite happy to find out what everyone else was up to"

Xellos found his feet lifted a clear foot of the ground as Zelgadiss grabbed him by the collar and yanked him up, hostility practically radiating off him.

"You left Amelia to dance with a complete _stranger_?"

"Well… yes, basically. Does it bother you?" He asked slyly

Throwing the priest aside and completely blanking him Zelgadiss walked off briskly to find the princess and make sure she was alright.

"My, my" Said Xellos as he stood up and dusted himself off before taking the seat Zel had just vacated. "Now then where were we?"

Volun shrugged and continued; an audience was an audience.

XOXOXOXOX

Amelia was a very good dancer.

That was the only thought Zelgadiss had that didn't involve a curse of some nature towards her partner. The man currently leading her through the reel was admittedly rather handsome. He had short dark hair and bright eyes, was dressed in a kilt and a tight shirt that showed off strong legs and muscles so perfect they could have been chiselled. Except, Zel thought bitterly, he wasn't made of stone.

The current tune ended and the man bowed to his partner before kissing her hand -invoking a death glare from a certain chimera even though he couldn't see it. Amelia curtsied, smiled and much to Zel's relief they parted ways, the princess moved to the edge of the dance floor her eyes scanning the crowd for a potential new partner.

Amelia jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Zelgadiss regarding her seriously. What was he doing here? Was he going to ask her to dance?

"We should get going; Lina and Gourry have already gone back to the inn."

Apparently not. She should have known…

"I'm not really done yet Mr Zelgadiss, but you don't have to wait up for me. I promise I'll be quiet and not wake you when I get back."

"I can't leave you here _alone_, Amelia… I'd worry."

Amelia was about to protest that she was quite capable of looking after herself, didn't need a chaperone, or a hero to rescue her when the second half of his statement hit her as did the fact that this was _Zelgadiss _speaking. The 'heartless sorcerer/swordsman' himself was admitting that he worried for her.

A new song struck up and filled with confidence from his admittance Amelia held out her hand towards the chimera.

"Dance with me then? Just once and I'll let you take me back."

After a moments serious contemplation trying to determine the best way to preserve his dignity and still keep Amelia happ–er, safe, Zelgadiss made a show of rolling his eyes and grudgingly taking her hand in order to give the impression that the last place he wanted to be at that moment was with her. Amelia wasn't fooled though. She saw his customary half-smile in place and noted that he danced with her three times before finally placing an arm round her shoulders and leading her back to the inn, the moon riding high in the sky above them.

XOXOXOXOX

When Volun woke up the next morning he wasn't entirely sure where he was. He racked his brain for answers and came up with the memory of the purple-haired man he'd spent most of the night with.

It all came back to him after that. How he had told the tale of his heroic deeds and then unloaded all his frustrations of not being able to find Lala. The man had the most wonderful idea about that (although he had to admit he had been thinking it himself seconds before it was mentioned, naturally) Instead of travelling looking for her he should wait for her to come to him! Because clearly she must be in love with one as magnificent as he! That was when the purple haired one had brought Volun here (although Volun was convinced they had gotten here so fast due to his legendary speed) and introduced him to his new employer.

Without any further thought the new priest of Zoamelgustar got up to face the day.

XOXOXOXOX

Once Lina, Gourry and Amelia had eaten (or rather, demolished) breakfast and Zelgadiss had finished his coffee they gathered their things and headed to the front desk to settle the tab, which was pleasantly small due to their expenses being paid. Despite the diminutive size of the bill though, Lina still tried to haggle it down further being reluctant to part with any of her _hard earned_ money. Eventually a deal was struck and they turned to go when the innkeeper stopped them.

"Before you go I was wondering if you might like to try this." He said bringing out a bowl of soup. "It's a whole new recipe."

The group took one look at the florescent pink colour emanating from the bowl exchanged glances and instantly reached a unanimous decision.

"**No.**"

With that they turned and dashed out the door to find treasure, eat lots of food, fight for justice and search for a cure …all over again.

_Fin_

**A/N:** It's over! Wow!

I'd like to point out that Zel _does _worry about Amelia –when she distracted Gaav from killing Zel+Gourry (after Milgazia had healed her) Gourry asks 'when did she recover?' and Zel thinks 'sheesh, and here I was worrying for her' At which point Ame launches into her justice speech.

And before anyone asks, yes I'm a Scots lass and no, men like Amelia's dance partner aren't easy to find. Unfortunately…

Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

Mistress DragonFlame; Thank you so much for all the reviews it's very much appreciated. In answer to your question yes Xellos probably would enjoy that and I seriously considered writing it in, but I think that idea deserves a lot more attention and possibly its own story. I think that has the basis for a good Xel/Fi fic ne? Maybe I'll do a sequel to this someday. CarolinaWhiteRose; Again thank you for all the reviews! I'm glad you found it so funny and I hope you liked this chapter as much. Not only did Xellos get his wish, he got fed and didn't get dragon slaved into oblivion! DQBunny; Hilarious? Victory! That's high praise indeed from one with your writing talents. Volun's so much fun to write though, just the extreme nature of his crush on 'Lala' makes him infinitely useable. After all it's the over exaggerated traits that are always the funniest (i.e. Volun chasing Gourry just because he looked "enough like Lala that I don't care you're a man!") Can't wait to read your version. Earth Star; Thank you so much! I was worried I might be going a little OOC, glad you enjoy (I really like Wild Hearts by the way – I hope you update soon (15 hugs as well!))


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